D’var Torah delivered on Friday, January 17, 2025
Ever since I first learned to translate the Hebrew of the Tanakh, of our Hebrew Bible, I have always been enthralled with the language of the text and its layered meaning. I give a lot of credit for this to my first teacher of Biblical Hebrew at Indiana University, my professor Ah-Seng Choo, of blessed memory. I studied with Ah-Seng for two years. He was a scholar of Hebrew and Near-Eastern languages who did the majority of his studies at Harvard, and passed along a lot of his knowledge to us. In an era before iPads, Kindles, or iPhones, we were expected to lug this Hebrew concordance to class. It was so heavy in my backpack, and because of this, there were many classes where I either forgot to take it or conveniently chose not to – maybe more the impact that I would have had to carry it around with me for a good portion of the day. A Hebrew concordance is basically a very specific type of dictionary that shows the usage of various words, and even in using it, it sometimes would lead me to some “interesting” translations. But, delving into the language of the Tanakh and the Torah often leads one to the interesting choices of the process of translation. There are often multiple directions in which to go, as is the case in any situation where moving away from the original language literally can leave one “lost in translation.”
If one asked me what my favorite word is in the Torah, I would instantly tell you that it is “hineini,” “here I am,” the single expression used by Abraham, Jacob, and Moses to respond to God in a dialogue that is not just a statement of physical presence, but of one that is wholly spiritual. My most favorite phrase in the Torah is likely one in this week’s Torah portion of Shemot, the first portion of the book of Exodus. In this portion, we meet Moses for the very first time – maybe something funny for us to say as Jews, but imagine meeting Moses with little-to-no knowledge of everything he is headed toward, and that is where we are this week. With that said, a LOT happens to Moses in this single week. He is born, grows up amidst the Egyptians while defending two Hebrew slaves, marries a Midianite woman, and then encounters God! That’s a lot! After Moses encounters God within the burning bush, he asks, who shall I tell my people sent me as their leader to free them from slavery? And, God responds with the phrase “Ehyeh asher Ehyeh.” This phrase is rather difficult to translate, bordering upon being not fully intelligible. It is a palindromic phrase, beautifully round– beginning and ending with the same word, and is chanted on very commonplace tropes which do not elevate the words through the chant. The chant doesn’t illuminate the text, but rather leaves the words to stand out on their own. And, that is entirely what is essential and in the moment here. Anything that would detract from the poetic beauty and foretelling nature of the text would also detract from this moment.
This phrase “Ehyeh asher Ehyeh” could be translated as “I will be what I will be” or “I am who I am.” God even shortens the name in a second mention and says just “Ehyeh” … “I will be.” The mysteriousness of this phrase has always been something for me that embodies something deep, spiritual, and all-encompassing.
Just prior to this moment, Moses questions God and perhaps himself in this demanding moment where he has been chosen for this quest toward freedom. He says “Who am I to go to Pharaoh to free my people?” Today, we would call this “imposter syndrome,” something that many of us including myself have experienced when we don’t feel the full weight of our own ability to be everything with which we are tasked. This can be true even if others see us as fully and authentically capable. And, in a moment like this, there is a balance between the humility one needs to be genuine to oneself alongside some element of ego which needs to rise to give us the strength to move ahead, without overinflating oneself to a point of selfish pride.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, the former chief rabbi of the UK of blessed memory, teaches that those who ultimately possess great qualities of leadership throughout the Hebrew Bible are generally those who question their own value to begin with. This lack of superior ability is a sign of the humanity within them. Rabbi Sacks also notes that Moses is actually an outsider. He grew up in Egypt among the Egyptians and he married a Midianite woman, which means he spent a decent amount of time set apart from his people both in Egypt and in the lands known as Midian. When he says “who am I?,” it pulls at his identity. And yet, in the heart of the moment, in seeing the need to fight for the one suffering, for any Israelite, he is at one with his people. He, too, is an Israelite and always has been.
Rashi, the Medieval commentator who was almost solely focused with the underlying meaning of language found in our texts, speaks almost in a Midrash to say that Moses perhaps further responds to the words of God to scratch his head and say – I know you will be all that you will be through thick and thin, but in this present moment, I don’t want to preface future sorrows among my people.
And, perhaps that is what the Israelites need the most in their present moment. Moses is a leader who will be with them and stand alongside them.
So, for me, while I appreciate every step of the journey to fully understand this mysterious verse of text – in the end, I would rather just be led into the mystery.
Let it be what it will be.
Shabbat Shalom.